To The Man Who Didn’t Want Me

Thank you for leaving me.

Thank you for not wanting me, it’s mutual now.

It took me time to heal I bet you don’t know this. I spent the better times of my days wondering what I did to push you away. I used to think it was all my fault. I wondered why you chose to leave without any warning.

In my most vulnerable times, I questioned why I was never good enough for anyone – for you. Now that time has passed, I understand. Yes, you were right, it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with you.

You were my favorite person. You understood me as stubborn as I am. You knew how to make me calm and relaxed. I loved you. I loved you because you understood me more than I did myself. You made me happy. I trusted you. It’s hard to understand why it ended.

And even after all my tears, it’s still hard to understand how I got to this point where I can look into your eyes without crying. I didn’t get my answers but I don’t want them anymore.

It’s okay that you were not ready to love me back no matter how much I loved you. I stopped blaming you because you can’t help how you feel. You can’t choose who to love just as I didn’t choose to love you.

You didn’t want me. Or should I say you didn’t want me the way I needed to be wanted? Yes, I wanted romance and someone to be mine. I wanted someone to talk to and hold my hand through my worst. At least we had these things for the most part.

You know what? Even though we had all these, you didn’t give me the one thing that I wanted the most – you. You were not ready, you said. I was just another girl, not the girl you’d introduce to your parents. You didn’t want me and this broke my heart into a thousand pieces.

I’ve grown since the last time I cried over you because I learned that you didn’t deserve me. Thank you for making me hurt. Thank you for the tears and for making me learn the hard way that not everyone deserves the love we give them. Thank you for leaving because I am happy now. I miss you but I’m never coming back and I’m finally okay with that.