To the New Single Mother

As I sit here watching my 1-year old play, undisturbed and unsure of what’s going on, I thought of you?

How are you feeling? I know it’s tough, especially the first few months. But believe me, it will get better soon. It all depends on you, though. Are you giving up? Do you still have the strength to face every new challenge that comes your way?

See, I know it’s not easy. It was not your plan to be a single mom. Just like me, you dreamt of giving your little one a family with mommy and daddy. A life where he/she would run to dad when you scold him/her. I get it. I dreamt of all those great family outings and dinner as we share and laugh about our hectic day.

I wish I knew you in person so that I can hug you and let you know that things will be okay. Even on those happy days, you may need some reassurance that you are doing it right. You are mom! You are moving in the right direction, and I am proud of you for getting this far.

Don’t give up just yet because it’s about to get better. Being a single mom is hard, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Wait for the days when he/she will send you a Father’s Day card then you’ll know that being a single mom is just so special. You are a supermom, and you should feel this way.

These first few months will be tough. Spending sleepless nights, cleaning the mess around the house, multitasking, struggling to balance your job and being an extraordinary mom, paying the bills – I understand if you feel tired and frustrated.

You need encouragement and motivation once in a while. It doesn’t mean you are weak or not doing things right. It only means that you are human. I’ve been there, and it’s hard trying to maintain your sanity. 

My advice to you is this:

Don’t put down the man who made you a single mother

It’s easy to do this. And yes you can bad mouth your ex to your best friend, to your mom or me. You can do this, but never to your child. As young as they may be, they still dream of the idea of having a dad. So don’t assume they are too young to notice or understand. Don’t lessen your child’s feelings.

It’s okay to cry

After all, you are not made of stone. Cry in your room or the shower. I’ve done this so many times, and it makes me stronger. A good cry once in a while is awesome.

It’s okay to ask for help

Do you need someone who relates to what you are going through? Call me! Whatever support you need – social, moral, or economic – it’s okay to talk to someone. You will feel frustrated if you don’t do it. Have a network and join social support groups for single moms.

Talk to your child about his/her fears and frustrations

As your child grows, listen to his/her concerns. You will not know how your kid feels unless you talk to him/her.

Let your child spend time with a male role model

No, I don’t mean your new boyfriend. A male role model can be your child’s uncle, grandfather, or a mentor from church.

Believe that you will survive

The first few weeks may feel devastating. It’s normal. Your life has turned upside down, and nothing is like you hoped. Believe that you will survive and that you will be happy. Do your best to find a new normal.

Have a survival plan

You need to make sure you have a way to provide for your child. Have a budget. Cut your expenses and increase your income if it is necessary.

Have some alone time

You need time to take care of yourself – both physically and emotionally. It is okay to reach out to your family for a kid-free day.

So stop feeling like life isn’t fair or wondering why this is happening to you. Whatever you are going through is normal, and lots of moms have been where you are right now. I love that you are a strong phenomenal woman, and you will soon find your way to success. You are not alone and know that I am thinking of you.

Wishing you the best and cheers to many years ahead

Lots of love from ME!

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