Don’t Cry Over Me

You wonder why I don’t give you another chance

Because I gave you one, two, three, way too many chances 

And you still messed them up

You wonder why I never pick your calls 

Because I left one, two, three, way too many voicemails 

That went unanswered 

You wonder why I don’t reply to your messages 

Because I sent one, two, three, way too many ‘I love you’ 

I got used to receiving none 

You wonder why I don’t want to see you

Because I asked one, two, three, way too many times 

You never bothered to invite me over

You wonder why I don’t fight for you

 Because I cried one, two, three, way too many times 

I lost my strength before I got to the battlefield

You wonder why I stopped loving you

Because I tried one, two, three, way too many times 

I got tired of giving and not receiving 

So don’t ask me for another chance 

Don’t leave a voicemail on my phone 

Don’t send me a message 

And don’t cry over me 

Because the day I finally discovered my worth 

Was the day I finally realized you don’t deserve me.

A Letter to My Dad

There are times I wish you were here to see me grow, but I know you can see and hear me though. I hope you found peace after that terrible disease. Too bad I still hate hemiparesis. Mama has done a good job since the day you were admitted to the day you parted. She didn’t stop there, believe me, dad, you made the right choice for a wife. She mourned you for days and days, it took years to see her smile. Two job loses, several bruises and excuses, I’d understand if she ever gave up. I’ve never seen her cry you see. It was a tough decision for her we can agree. She had to make it on her knees to raise us three. I’m proud of who I am I can guarantee.

I remember her praying by your bed asking God to show her a miracle. At first, I thought it was too impractical. Does God even exist or is it just archeological? She sat me down and taught me how to pray. Suddenly it all felt too theological. She taught me that the best battles were on my knees. It’s a lesson that has forever put me at ease. 

Now I’m twenty seven you died when I was seven it’s been twenty years since you went to heaven. I have a lot to tell you, dad, I wish time allowed me. I’m not the little girl you used to know. Now I’m a mother of two you see. I’ve had two successful pregnancies with bitter memories I’ve never had the chance to nurse my injuries. I’m not trying to justify my actions I’m sorry dad. Two, three, four or maybe five heartbreaks but I’m still yet to learn my mistakes. Good thing I have your wife for a mother she taught me how to heal through my aches. 

My life isn’t perfect you know but I can never trade it for anything I owe. Men have seen the tough girl in me I wish they knew how much it takes to heal. I’m not their ideal woman they say to them I am just unreal or rather too surreal. I’ve been hurt too many times dad it’s hard for me to feel and appeal. I want to say I’m strong but my heart knows all I conceal. I don’t want to blame anyone you see. It’s been hard to deal with how I feel. 

You did a good job even though you were robbed of the opportunity to see me grow. I’m writing this letter to let you know I’m still pushing through. I’ve walked through storms but God has pulled me from hell though. I’ve never seen anyone treat mama as you did. You’re the type of man I wish for a husband. On those days when I want to give up, I remember whose daughter I am. You are my hero dad and I still celebrate you. Someday you’ll see how far I’ve come you’ll be proud to call me your daughter. But until we meet again daddy may you be at peace and continue watching over us. And if you see grandma tell her I’m forever thinking of her. 

Rest in peace Daddy. 

Don’t Call Me Baby

Don’t call me baby

When you don’t mean it

Don’t promise me the future

When you can’t give me the present

Don’t give me the keys to your heart

When you’re plunging a knife into mine

Don’t break my heart

When you say it’s yours

Don’t make me cry

When you want to see me smile

Don’t hurt me

When you say you care

And don’t ask me why

When you know the reason

So don’t call me baby

I Don’t Want You Back

It’s been years since you walked away 

Somehow you feel it’s the right time to show up

I don’t want you back and I’m okay

What you say or do don’t mean a thing now 

Stop making an effort I don’t believe you anyway

Yes, you were my dream, 

Your hugs and kisses were magical

But stop trying because I don’t want you too

I’m fine by myself and I’m okay

You say you care but I don’t feel it anymore 

And even though your name is still engraved in my heart 

Your voice constantly in my head 

Your promises now sound like a broken record

You took a piece of me when you left 

Not caring about the pain I felt 

Now you want to help me piece it together 

It’s a little too late 

I picked up the pieces

I’m not the girl you once knew

My heart doesn’t beat for you anymore

So I don’t want you back

I Want To Be With You

I’ll put it plain and simple

Nothing compares to what I feel

Nothing matches my beating heart

There’s only one thing I want

And that is you

Your strength captivates me

Your smile makes my day

Your eyes make me wanna close mine

I want to imagine every moment

How it feels when you hold me close to your chest

I wonder how your lips taste

I want to know why my heart beats when you speak

There’s a mystery behind your eyes

Curious and nervous as I am

There’s something about you that completes me

If I had only one wish left

Then I’d ask to be with you

Letting Go

It’s easy for me to understand

Even though I can’t withstand

Because what you feel for her

Is exactly what I feel for you

It’s okay I am not your perfect Mrs. Right

It’s okay you want her and not me

I know she will keep you safe

I know she will love you

I can see it in her eyes

I know you will be happy

Because she loves you

As much as I love you

So I’m letting go

I am the Woman that I am

I hear so much about the woman that I am,

Some say I am strong and brave

Some believe I am strict and tough

Some tell me I am serious

Some will tell you I need to loosen up

But some think I need to ‘woman-up’

That I can be so much more

All I know is that,

I am the me that I am,

All I am is a woman with the same dreams as any

I am the woman that I want to be

I am the best version of me that I want to be

I am my woman

Strong and proud is all I can say

Smart and beautiful sounds like a cliché

But I am the woman that I want to be

Not the woman that I should, could or would be

Not so much more or too little

I am not perfect but I am perfect with my imperfections

I am the me that I want to be

And that is enough