My Last Letter to My First Love

There’s a lot I want to say, and this is the only way I can do it. I know this letter will probably never make it to you, but I pray it does. I’ve read a lot of letters from those wondering whether their first love cherished their time together. I don’t have to because I know you do. Just like you, I also miss our time together. I miss the times we stayed on the phone for hours talking about everything. I remember every moment like it was yesterday. But that’s just it – memories.

My letter is to say thank you and sorry at the same time. Thank you for being my first love. I would never want to experience it with anyone but you. You made me see life in different colors. Life was full of excitement and passion. You showed me love and made me feel wanted. You stuck by me through thick and thin. I can’t forget the days when your texts made my heart pound, how we stayed up till 2 AM and still had something to say the next morning.

I got so used to starting my day with your calls. Now you understand why it was so hard for me when it stopped. I must admit you had me at hello. It is difficult not to glimpse back and open the vault full of memories. Our love was young and pure. It was only for us to share. Thank you because you raised the bar so high I now don’t want to settle for less.

Even though you were my first love, it breaks my heart, knowing you are not my last. I’m sorry I am not the easiest person to deal with. I’m sorry you gave up a big part of yourself to be with me. I’m sorry I let you down. You almost drowned because of me. I’m sorry I was a bit insecure, even though you always told me you loved me. Looking back, I can’t help but smile at how I dealt with my jealousy. You deserve the best that life offers. You deserve to be happy. I’m sorry I have to watch it from afar. Letting you go was the hardest thing for me to do. It was hard watching you be with someone else, but I know she made you happier.

I was always angry and bitter because I wondered why it didn’t last long. At first, I was angry at myself. I questioned why I was never good enough. Or was I too much for you to handle? I thought you never cared because you promised me you’d always love me. Suddenly we lost touch, and I wondered when I drove you away. I wondered why you came back and then left again. I thought you were a coward because you knew I was shattered, but I was still hanging on. I’m sorry for being selfish and forgetting to consider your feelings. You needed time, too, and I should have given it to you. You needed space to get over our love, and I should have never questioned why.

I stopped convincing myself that you didn’t love me. Deep down, I know you did. It gives me great joy knowing you also value what we had. It’s not your fault it didn’t work out. It’s not mine either. We can blame it on bad timing or perhaps unfavorable circumstances. Our relationship was magical. It was strong and powerful. Sometimes I wonder why it ended, but I forget that even the best stories have endings. It was not your fault. I’m sorry we can’t live our happily-ever-after, but I’m glad you found someone to give it to you.

I made so many mistakes as I tried to heal. I looked for attention in empty people, and I was left feeling worse than I did when I lost you. I thought they would help me move on, but I was wrong for trying to run away from my reality. You were always on my mind because you are the only person who had my heart while it was whole.

Thank you because you left me with the ability to love. Because of you, I have learned not to give up on love. When you walked away, I taught myself how to be alone. I learned how to be at peace with myself. You made me understand that being single doesn’t mean being lonely. It took me time to work on myself, but I did. I needed to be broken now; I know what it means to be strong.

Time has passed, and we have strayed from the people we were. We lost bits of ourselves as time passed. It’s sad some of those bits contained traces of our love. We can never get them back, and it’s okay. Those two young lovers were good together, but we no longer are. I understand that regardless of how much you love someone, it is hard not to hurt them.

And even though we cannot be together, I am glad I have something to remember us by – our son. I am incredibly proud of us for bringing him to life — flesh of our flesh and blood of our blood. We’ve grown so much from who we were. I want you to know that I love you. I’m only choosing to love you a little less. It’s time for me to find my last love. I wish you the best too.

Always,

Your first love.

A Love Letter to my Beloved

Dearly beloved,

While I may have more than a thousand words to say, please allow me this chance to say how much I love you. Allow me the time to show you how much you’re making your way towards me slowly. Fitting the pieces of a puzzle little by little to create a vision.

Every time I look at you, I am reminded of the reasons why you are more precious than the finest jewel. Every time I hear your name, I get all the reasons why I would rather be with you than anyone else. Need I say of the times I hear your heart beat? I could go on and on for sure.

You have always been here for me all the time. You have listened to my every thought, my every word and better yet, you have always given me a shoulder to cry on all the time. Your wise words, constant suggestions, and constant criticisms have seen me be the person I am today my beloved. I wouldn’t swap who I am for anything.

And when everyone saw my flaws, you saw the best in me. When no one took the time to notice my achievements, you identified even the minutest step I made in my life. When I gave up and felt like the whole world was crumbling, you held my hand and walked with me through the storm. You saw the best in me even when I didn’t recognize it, my love.

And even when I fell, you helped me pick up my broken pieces and trudge on. You helped me see the beautiful woman inside me without asking for anything in return darling. For these I am grateful.

My love, if only I could pay up my debt and let you see how much you’ve done to me. If only I could open my heart and show you the space you’ve taken, I would do that in a blink. I would jump to the sky and bring you the moon because with you by my side; nothing is impossible.

Vibrant anticipation is the only concept I can think of that best describes how I feel about you, my beloved. When you are far away, I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. When you are close to me, I want to reach for you, automatically and spontaneously.

No one has given me a purpose to love but you. No one has filled my heart with joy but you. You are my love; you are also my heart. I have so many reasons why I love you. So many reasons I will never want to let go. How can I tell them all when I’m running out of paper? My heart completely trusts you because your love is an inspiration to become a better version of myself. Your love is my towel to wipe every tear I shed.

And more importantly, your love is a reason to steer my future with great determination. With you by my side, there is nothing I cannot do. There is no obstacle I can’t overcome. With you by my side, there is no goal unreachable.

My love, your wisdom captivates me, your passion ignites me; your compassion inspires me, and your generosity motivates me.

The times I spend with you are a precious gift from above. And when I retire to bed at night, my last thought is of our journey together. Although still fresh and young, I am thankful and appreciate every moment of it. When you hold my body in slumber, I count nothing but my blessings, go to bed content and pray to awaken the same way.

How can I describe how much I feel about you? This language is too small and my hands inept at this task. I can’t use these tools to describe the depths of my love. All these are not enough. If I am lucky to live more than a thousand years, then I might have enough time although I doubt it so much sweetheart.

I’ll love you always and in all ways.