Dear Crush

I’m not ready to do this you see. I mean write this letter to you and let the world know how I feel about you. But what the heck, I have nothing to lose and so much time left. I’m not too courageous to say this to you but this is the beauty of writing letters – I can pour out my heart.

I’ve always wanted to use the phrase ‘my heart skipped a beat’ away from classroom literature and composition writing. Finally! You looked stunning when I saw you yesterday. When our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat.

You took my breath away when I saw you – blue must be your favorite color. Well, guess what? It is my favorite color too. You looked so…err…I can’t put my feelings into words.

Your image has taken refuge in my mind from the moment my eyes saw you. I can’t shake this idea of seeing you again. I wish I could record these beautiful fantasies I have. It’s easy to escape reality for a second or two with you on my mind. I know I can’t have you but still, my heart yearns to hold you.

These moments I have in my head are nothing but a distant dream, I know. Yet it is this hope that I shall meet you soon that keeps me holding on to you as my crush.

~A~

An Open Letter to the Absent Parent

Dear absent parent,

You are many years too late.

I’m not about to judge the reasons or circumstances that pushed you away from your kid. But I doubt there’s enough justification as to why. You see these little kids have nothing to do with you, your problems, or any of these circumstances. I understand that life happens. And no, I don’t know what happened. But listen, your kids need you. They did not ask to be here.

Let me, first of all, be clear about one thing. I’m not drafting this letter to put you down or make you look bad. I’m writing this letter as a truth and as I draft, I speak for myself, my child, and a few single parents out there who need closure too.

How did you do it? I mean, how do you walk away from your flesh and blood? How do you sleep at night knowing there is a child out there crying at 2 in the morning, going to school, struggling with tying his tie, having a birthday, making friends, shying off when she menstruates, graduating, and getting her heartbroken? How the heck do you do it? Your child is a straight-A student or perhaps struggling with mathematics, he’s athletic or struggling with an illness. How do you think they feel that they can’t share any of this with you?

You made a promise; spoken or unspoken. Perhaps you thought it through long and hard but still, you made a promise. You promised to be there. To stick around whether you’re together with your child’s other parent or not. Stick to your promise. You see every time you fail to show up, part of their heart breaks a little. Every time you fail to do something that you promised, they hurt. We may be here to assure them that they are loved no matter what, but a part of them is still lost. Show up! And follow through with your promises. Some of these kids will grow up believing that they are not worthy of love. You are messing up your child without realizing it. Or maybe you do realize this. Show up!

By the way, do you ever wonder how they are doing? Or perhaps you shut off that love valve. You imagine that they don’t exist. Does it bother you at all? Should I even talk about financial support? How do you feel when you can’t even send money for clothes or medication? I’m still in awe by the fact that someone can shut their feelings and turn their back on their child: flesh of their flesh, blood of their blood.

I get it, life is tough. It’s tough on us too. I was unprepared too. Unbalanced, unhappy, and yes, there were days I felt unloved. Heck! I was struggling too when I started. But I stayed. I forced myself to smile and laugh at their jokes. I struggled to make it through because, for some good reason, kids have a way of bringing you back to who you are – a parent.

See, I’m not about to judge your actions. This letter is only for closure. And I’m not drafting this so you could ask for forgiveness (if you have the gut). I’m not the one who can forgive you, your child can. I’ll raise him as well as I know. I have a whole village behind me. I’ll tell him my version, and give him the chance to ask for yours. He’ll decide whether to forgive you or not. I pray that he does because I don’t want him to hold on to something that weighs him down.

Sincerely,

The parent who stayed

A Letter to My Future Husband

Dear Future Husband, 

I don’t know when you will stumble upon this long note. Whether it’s before we meet or probably after, I have a few things I want you to know. But first off, I have to tell you how special you are to me. 

Throughout my years I have prayed for you – a good and loving man. I have asked God numerous times to send me a man who values family, appreciates love, and most importantly, a man who puts Him above anything else. Somedays, I felt I was asking for something impossible, but then I knew I was talking to God, the God who makes the impossible possible. Darling, you are loved by me and I can’t wait to build a home with you. 

I hope you are every bit as smart as I see in my dreams. That you are kind, strong, and full of life and that everyone around me will love you as much as I do. I’m not the easiest to deal with but I hope every day our love will grow stronger to overcome all the obstacles that come with a lifetime commitment. 

I have so many reasons why I’m drafting this letter to you; top among them is that I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about the future and how happy I will be with you by my side. Let me draft this note to you as a promise that I will be the best version of myself for you. I will be the woman I aspire to be for you. 

I’m also writing this to you because you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. I need to let you know how to love an impetuous, and strong-willed woman. I think you need to know how to love someone like me. So should I start with the good or the bad? I’ll let it flow and you’ll decide if it’s good or bad. 

I’m simple with complications here and there. You don’t have to impress me with money or other luxuries but flowers on Valentines’ Day are something I will never say no to. Don’t take me out every weekend. Let’s stay in, cuddle me, and make me forget about the tough week we had. Hold my hand and let the world know I’m yours. Kiss me. Call me beautiful. These things are enough to keep me glowing throughout. 

I’m a sensitive person. Love is a big deal to me. I don’t know about lifetime commitments because I’m about to share one with you. I however have enough relationship experience to know when things are flowing and when they are not. Numerous times I’ve thought of giving up, but then being strong was my only option. I’ve been put down so many times yet, I’ve done my best to pick up my pieces. My motivation? I’ve always wanted to know how it felt to not give up on myself. 

I’m an introvert, but it doesn’t last long. Once you crack me open, I’m outgoing and love fooling around. I keep a serious face to those who don’t know me because I don’t want them to know how vulnerable I can be sometimes. I hope you can keep up with my goofiness. 

I am stubborn and can be crazy. I can get angry in a split second. I can be over-dramatic. Don’t ignore this part of me. One minute I want to make love to you, the next you’ll be sleeping in the other room. Some nights you will wake up in the middle of the night from my sobbing and worry. Be gentle. I apologize in advance for my craziness. 

I’m not a guru when it comes to love, but those around me are a continuous source of education. So this is my promise to you; I promise to love you until we’re 80. I will hold your hand because I know how painful it feels to let go. I promise to support you in whatever you do. I’ll prepare meals that will make you want more. I promise to make love to you whenever the heat in our bodies increases from all the love. 

I trust myself to know that you are right for me. Your love brings out the best in me and the future version of me that I am working hard to become. I hope I am the exact woman you have in mind and my flaws are as beautiful as the woman I am too. My prayer is that our love will be strong enough to overcome the challenges that come with making a lifetime commitment. Darling, I love the person that you are, your strengths and your flaws – I love all of you and I can’t wait to be your wife.

With Love, 

Your Future Wife

A Letter To The Man I Wish Was Mine

I taught my heart to love you a little too much

I’m not ready to let it watch you love someone else.

Before we met I fought hard to make you stay

Because I didn’t want it to end before it even started.

I wanted you to see me beyond messages, phone calls and video calls.

It didn’t bother me that I was fighting alone.

I know this long message won’t change how you feel

But it will at least give me closure.

It all stopped. The calls, messages, feelings of love.

It all stopped.

I’m still trying to figure out how you suddenly

Psycho-reversed it and put the blame on me.

I saw how you looked at me when we parted.

It wasn’t the same look you gave me when we met.

Deep down I knew I was seeing you for the last time.

I was powerless

I never thought it’d be this soon.

It’s too bad you didn’t give me the

 Chance to show you how much love I can give.

How much feelings I have that I wish I could share with someone.

And this is all I ever wanted with you.

Perhaps we weren’t speaking the same love language.

I know I feel something for you,

But I’ve been hurt so many times,

I know which tables I’m not invited to eat.

I’m not willing to go down the same path again.

So I’ll choose my heart over anything else

And I’m not ready to see it break again.

This is why I’m saving you the trouble

And pushing myself away

Before you do because

You might push me further away than here and I don’t want that.

I’ll always be your fun.

Number one-ish maybe.

I’m just not ready to tell the world about a story

That we never really gave a chance to start.

Pity I was just a pawn.

And I know I’m acting weak and a coward

But I’d rather be this than fight for something alone.

A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Nancy, 

It does get better. The view from up here is amazing. You were full of life at 15 and you wanted the years to pass by quickly. It’s been the toughest at 20 and you feel like time is moving so slow. It’s not all bad I can guarantee. The challenges that come with being an adult might give you a scare at first but the freedom is well worth it as long as you know how to use it. 

You are 20 right now and there are things I wish you could do differently. But I don’t want you to regret anything. Every mistake you make is a lesson and every blessing an opportunity to see life from a whole new perspective. 

I know how stubborn you can be and I’m afraid this is a trait you’ll have at least until you are 28. So maybe you may not heed what I’m about to say but I hope you take home a thing or two. 

Love what you do and do what you love. You may feel scared and question a lot of things but I want you to hold on to what you love with passion. There is a special person inside you. A gem waiting to be discovered. You’ve loved your books since you were 5. Hold on to this. It may be your future if only you could press on a little harder. Don’t let the naysayers and the know-it-alls put you do. Trust me, they have nothing better to do. Write and write some more. Write until you can’t write anymore. 

Don’t doubt your potential even for a second. You may have made wrong decisions, but don’t let them define who you are or who you will be. Believe in yourself because I do. There are days you are full of doubt. Some days you wonder who you are or whether you are doing the right thing. Do it. Don’t let doubt hold you back because if it is wrong, you will learn, but if it is right, you will be proud of yourself. 

Love yourself. Walk with your head held high. They talk behind your back, spit on your face, and judge who you are. That your clothes don’t match your age, you have nothing to show for, don’t worry. I know it can be frustrating and you’ll start questioning a lot of things. I promise you, it does get better. 

If only you could turn a blind eye to all these things, I assure you there’ll be a lot in store for you. You are beautiful, perhaps you don’t hear this too often. Look into the mirror and see the woman you are slowly turning to. Someone out there loves you exactly as you are. Don’t change a thing for anyone and don’t give in to society’s pressure. 

There’s a lot you’ve not experienced. Travel, study, love, take a hobby life gets too busy at 28 you might not have a second to spare. I don’t want you to look back and say “I wish I did this”. Do them while you have the chance. 

Go to places you’ve never been to. Take a new course. Love more even if they don’t care. I know you love writing but you can also try cooking as a hobby. Be prepared because you might not end up doing what you wanted to do so take risks. 

Love yourself more than I did at an earlier stage. Don’t hold your past decisions against yourself. It does get better, so don’t give up. I just thought I should let you know this. 

With Love, 

Nancy.

My Last Letter to My First Love

There’s a lot I want to say, and this is the only way I can do it. I know this letter will probably never make it to you, but I pray it does. I’ve read a lot of letters from those wondering whether their first love cherished their time together. I don’t have to because I know you do. Just like you, I also miss our time together. I miss the times we stayed on the phone for hours talking about everything. I remember every moment like it was yesterday. But that’s just it – memories.

My letter is to say thank you and sorry at the same time. Thank you for being my first love. I would never want to experience it with anyone but you. You made me see life in different colors. Life was full of excitement and passion. You showed me love and made me feel wanted. You stuck by me through thick and thin. I can’t forget the days when your texts made my heart pound, how we stayed up till 2 AM and still had something to say the next morning.

I got so used to starting my day with your calls. Now you understand why it was so hard for me when it stopped. I must admit you had me at hello. It is difficult not to glimpse back and open the vault full of memories. Our love was young and pure. It was only for us to share. Thank you because you raised the bar so high I now don’t want to settle for less.

Even though you were my first love, it breaks my heart, knowing you are not my last. I’m sorry I am not the easiest person to deal with. I’m sorry you gave up a big part of yourself to be with me. I’m sorry I let you down. You almost drowned because of me. I’m sorry I was a bit insecure, even though you always told me you loved me. Looking back, I can’t help but smile at how I dealt with my jealousy. You deserve the best that life offers. You deserve to be happy. I’m sorry I have to watch it from afar. Letting you go was the hardest thing for me to do. It was hard watching you be with someone else, but I know she made you happier.

I was always angry and bitter because I wondered why it didn’t last long. At first, I was angry at myself. I questioned why I was never good enough. Or was I too much for you to handle? I thought you never cared because you promised me you’d always love me. Suddenly we lost touch, and I wondered when I drove you away. I wondered why you came back and then left again. I thought you were a coward because you knew I was shattered, but I was still hanging on. I’m sorry for being selfish and forgetting to consider your feelings. You needed time, too, and I should have given it to you. You needed space to get over our love, and I should have never questioned why.

I stopped convincing myself that you didn’t love me. Deep down, I know you did. It gives me great joy knowing you also value what we had. It’s not your fault it didn’t work out. It’s not mine either. We can blame it on bad timing or perhaps unfavorable circumstances. Our relationship was magical. It was strong and powerful. Sometimes I wonder why it ended, but I forget that even the best stories have endings. It was not your fault. I’m sorry we can’t live our happily-ever-after, but I’m glad you found someone to give it to you.

I made so many mistakes as I tried to heal. I looked for attention in empty people, and I was left feeling worse than I did when I lost you. I thought they would help me move on, but I was wrong for trying to run away from my reality. You were always on my mind because you are the only person who had my heart while it was whole.

Thank you because you left me with the ability to love. Because of you, I have learned not to give up on love. When you walked away, I taught myself how to be alone. I learned how to be at peace with myself. You made me understand that being single doesn’t mean being lonely. It took me time to work on myself, but I did. I needed to be broken now; I know what it means to be strong.

Time has passed, and we have strayed from the people we were. We lost bits of ourselves as time passed. It’s sad some of those bits contained traces of our love. We can never get them back, and it’s okay. Those two young lovers were good together, but we no longer are. I understand that regardless of how much you love someone, it is hard not to hurt them.

And even though we cannot be together, I am glad I have something to remember us by – our son. I am incredibly proud of us for bringing him to life — flesh of our flesh and blood of our blood. We’ve grown so much from who we were. I want you to know that I love you. I’m only choosing to love you a little less. It’s time for me to find my last love. I wish you the best too.

Always,

Your first love.

A Love Letter to my Beloved

Dearly beloved,

While I may have more than a thousand words to say, please allow me this chance to say how much I love you. Allow me the time to show you how much you’re making your way towards me slowly. Fitting the pieces of a puzzle little by little to create a vision.

Every time I look at you, I am reminded of the reasons why you are more precious than the finest jewel. Every time I hear your name, I get all the reasons why I would rather be with you than anyone else. Need I say of the times I hear your heart beat? I could go on and on for sure.

You have always been here for me all the time. You have listened to my every thought, my every word and better yet, you have always given me a shoulder to cry on all the time. Your wise words, constant suggestions, and constant criticisms have seen me be the person I am today my beloved. I wouldn’t swap who I am for anything.

And when everyone saw my flaws, you saw the best in me. When no one took the time to notice my achievements, you identified even the minutest step I made in my life. When I gave up and felt like the whole world was crumbling, you held my hand and walked with me through the storm. You saw the best in me even when I didn’t recognize it, my love.

And even when I fell, you helped me pick up my broken pieces and trudge on. You helped me see the beautiful woman inside me without asking for anything in return darling. For these I am grateful.

My love, if only I could pay up my debt and let you see how much you’ve done to me. If only I could open my heart and show you the space you’ve taken, I would do that in a blink. I would jump to the sky and bring you the moon because with you by my side; nothing is impossible.

Vibrant anticipation is the only concept I can think of that best describes how I feel about you, my beloved. When you are far away, I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. When you are close to me, I want to reach for you, automatically and spontaneously.

No one has given me a purpose to love but you. No one has filled my heart with joy but you. You are my love; you are also my heart. I have so many reasons why I love you. So many reasons I will never want to let go. How can I tell them all when I’m running out of paper? My heart completely trusts you because your love is an inspiration to become a better version of myself. Your love is my towel to wipe every tear I shed.

And more importantly, your love is a reason to steer my future with great determination. With you by my side, there is nothing I cannot do. There is no obstacle I can’t overcome. With you by my side, there is no goal unreachable.

My love, your wisdom captivates me, your passion ignites me; your compassion inspires me, and your generosity motivates me.

The times I spend with you are a precious gift from above. And when I retire to bed at night, my last thought is of our journey together. Although still fresh and young, I am thankful and appreciate every moment of it. When you hold my body in slumber, I count nothing but my blessings, go to bed content and pray to awaken the same way.

How can I describe how much I feel about you? This language is too small and my hands inept at this task. I can’t use these tools to describe the depths of my love. All these are not enough. If I am lucky to live more than a thousand years, then I might have enough time although I doubt it so much sweetheart.

I’ll love you always and in all ways.

A Letter to Anyone Struggling Through Life

If You Are Feeling Hopeless, Read This:

I know sometimes you feel like the world is crumbling down on you. Sometimes you forget how beautiful you are. I have had this feeling for a long time now. I just want to remind you that you are worthy. You are beautiful and don’t let anything or anyone put you down.

You may have some bad days. You will feel like your prayers are not being answered sometimes. I understand because I have been here not so long ago. I just want to remind you one thing, He (God) is not taking too long to answer.

He can never deny you whatever you want as long as it is in line with His will. So he is either telling you to hold on just a little longer or that He will give you something even better than what you want.

You will have bad days and feel like giving up. I understand but don’t forget that tomorrow is another day and another chance to start again. Teach yourself how to standup for yourself because whether you like it or not, this world is not as kind as you’d hope it to be. Do not let anyone make decisions for your life. Do not rely on other people’s opinion to move on and build your life.

Let go of the things and the people that cause you pain. You are only hurting yourself by holding on to something that isn’t worth it. There is someone out there watching, listening and promising you that everything will be okay.

Be you. Choose you. Be whatever you want to be. People will always find something to talk about. It’s your choice to choose what is of value and sieve out what does not help you grow.

Live your life and teach yourself how to react to tough situations that happen around you. I hope that my message gives you hope and helps you have a brighter day ahead. You are loved. Never forget this.

A Letter to My Future Self

It feels odd writing this to you and thinking about all the places/people you’ve seen. By now I know you no longer live in the same house or city. Or perhaps you’re not even in the same country! It’s weird to think that you are living a whole different life from what I have right now but I am happy because you beat all odds. To be honest you are my dream come true. There’s a lot of things I hope and pray that you have managed to achieve.

I hope you have figured things out and that you are exactly where I wanted you to be. I hope your life is as perfect as I wanted but I pray that you don’t forget me, the younger version of you. I hope you have forgiven all those who hurt you and that you do not hold a grudge against anyone. I hope you managed to find love and that he is exactly the man you wanted.

I hope you moved on from the past hurt and that you have managed to forgive yourself because last I checked you were still struggling with that. Most of all, I hope you still hold dear and cherish the ones that stood by you through the storm. I hope that Jesus is still your personal Christ and savior.

I hope you’ve aged like fine wine and that you are proud of the younger you. I hope that I remind you of all the experience you’ve been through and I pray you don’t forget the lessons I taught you. It is my prayer that you don’t carry any regrets in your heart and you are still as positive and optimistic as you’ve always been.

I hope life treats you as kindly as you’ve always wanted and that you are doing the same even to those who shut the door in your face. I hope your generous acts can now be seen and I pray you don’t forget to give because once upon a time you were me and I didn’t have it all.

I feel relieved because I know you have managed to put yourself back together. I hope all the broken pieces are now back in place and don’t think about the tiny ones that failed to repair. Don’t look at the scar that’s left but if you do, make sure it still reminds you of the younger version of yourself.

Please don’t forget this: I love you and I am proud of the woman that you are. I pray for nothing but the best for you and your loved ones.

A Letter to My Dad

There are times I wish you were here to see me grow, but I know you can see and hear me though. I hope you found peace after that terrible disease. Too bad I still hate hemiparesis. Mama has done a good job since the day you were admitted to the day you parted. She didn’t stop there, believe me, dad, you made the right choice for a wife. She mourned you for days and days, it took years to see her smile. Two job loses, several bruises and excuses, I’d understand if she ever gave up. I’ve never seen her cry you see. It was a tough decision for her we can agree. She had to make it on her knees to raise us three. I’m proud of who I am I can guarantee.

I remember her praying by your bed asking God to show her a miracle. At first, I thought it was too impractical. Does God even exist or is it just archeological? She sat me down and taught me how to pray. Suddenly it all felt too theological. She taught me that the best battles were on my knees. It’s a lesson that has forever put me at ease. 

Now I’m twenty seven you died when I was seven it’s been twenty years since you went to heaven. I have a lot to tell you, dad, I wish time allowed me. I’m not the little girl you used to know. Now I’m a mother of two you see. I’ve had two successful pregnancies with bitter memories I’ve never had the chance to nurse my injuries. I’m not trying to justify my actions I’m sorry dad. Two, three, four or maybe five heartbreaks but I’m still yet to learn my mistakes. Good thing I have your wife for a mother she taught me how to heal through my aches. 

My life isn’t perfect you know but I can never trade it for anything I owe. Men have seen the tough girl in me I wish they knew how much it takes to heal. I’m not their ideal woman they say to them I am just unreal or rather too surreal. I’ve been hurt too many times dad it’s hard for me to feel and appeal. I want to say I’m strong but my heart knows all I conceal. I don’t want to blame anyone you see. It’s been hard to deal with how I feel. 

You did a good job even though you were robbed of the opportunity to see me grow. I’m writing this letter to let you know I’m still pushing through. I’ve walked through storms but God has pulled me from hell though. I’ve never seen anyone treat mama as you did. You’re the type of man I wish for a husband. On those days when I want to give up, I remember whose daughter I am. You are my hero dad and I still celebrate you. Someday you’ll see how far I’ve come you’ll be proud to call me your daughter. But until we meet again daddy may you be at peace and continue watching over us. And if you see grandma tell her I’m forever thinking of her. 

Rest in peace Daddy.