New Dawn

Today was supposed to be a new day


But still I have the scars of yesterday

The pain

Still fresh like yesterday

I miss you

But the smell of yesterday’s pain irritates me

The distractions



Make me act out

I can’t get these times I’ve spent

Loving you

A Letter To The Man I Wish Was Mine

I taught my heart to love you a little too much

I’m not ready to let it watch you love someone else.

Before we met I fought hard to make you stay

Because I didn’t want it to end before it even started.

I wanted you to see me beyond messages, phone calls and video calls.

It didn’t bother me that I was fighting alone.

I know this long message won’t change how you feel

But it will at least give me closure.

It all stopped. The calls, messages, feelings of love.

It all stopped.

I’m still trying to figure out how you suddenly

Psycho-reversed it and put the blame on me.

I saw how you looked at me when we parted.

It wasn’t the same look you gave me when we met.

Deep down I knew I was seeing you for the last time.

I was powerless

I never thought it’d be this soon.

It’s too bad you didn’t give me the

 Chance to show you how much love I can give.

How much feelings I have that I wish I could share with someone.

And this is all I ever wanted with you.

Perhaps we weren’t speaking the same love language.

I know I feel something for you,

But I’ve been hurt so many times,

I know which tables I’m not invited to eat.

I’m not willing to go down the same path again.

So I’ll choose my heart over anything else

And I’m not ready to see it break again.

This is why I’m saving you the trouble

And pushing myself away

Before you do because

You might push me further away than here and I don’t want that.

I’ll always be your fun.

Number one-ish maybe.

I’m just not ready to tell the world about a story

That we never really gave a chance to start.

Pity I was just a pawn.

And I know I’m acting weak and a coward

But I’d rather be this than fight for something alone.

I Moved On

I cried for days when you left

You never bothered

I was too weak you said

I was too damaged

You were right

Part of me died when you left

I wanted you to stay

I was desperate

I was lonely

None of this bothered you

Now you’re back

Trying to get me to notice you

I moved on

I’m no longer bitter

I healed

You say you love me

I don’t feel the same

Your world is shuttered

I was there too

You dream only of me

I did the same

You cry for me

I filled a bucket for you

The skies are turning grey

My world split into two

But I moved on

And found someone who deserved me too

You feel like I did

Except you were never there when I broke

I Fell Out of Love with You

I fell out of love with you
You forced me to
You pushed me to it
You didn’t realize
But you made me love you less every day
You didn’t care when I slept alone
You checked on me,
Not every day, but every once in a while
You called when you needed me
It didn’t bother you how much I needed you
I fell out of love with you
Every time I begged you to stay
I fell out of love with you
Every time I apologized to you on your behalf
I fell out of love with you
Because you taught me how to love right
How much I needed to give to get back
I fell out of love with you
And it has been the best decision I have ever made

I Loved You a Little Too Much

I’ve grown from the days I cried for you

I’ve grown from the days I begged you to stay

I’ve grown from the days I called first

I’ve grown from the days I begged for your attention

It was love, I don’t doubt this

I just regret that I gave it to the wrong person

I spent the better parts of my days wondering why I was never enough

My nights were hours of soft weeping, then loud sobs

I yearned for you each day

I made excuses for you when you didn’t show up

I said it was okay when you replied my text two days later

I loved you, I never doubted this

I just regret that I loved the wrong person

I’ve grown from these days

I loved you too much

I forgot how to love myself

I put you first

Your name was easy on my lips

These lips that never tasted yours

I was too broken but I was bent on fixing you

Because I knew if I could try just a little harder

You will love me

You were my love, I was not yours

Thanks for helping me see this

Now I know who deserves my love. Me.