New Dawn

Today was supposed to be a new day

Better

But still I have the scars of yesterday

The pain

Still fresh like yesterday

I miss you

But the smell of yesterday’s pain irritates me

The distractions

Frustrations

Betrayal

Make me act out

I can’t get these times I’ve spent

Loving you

I’m Not Good Enough for You

It’s not easy for me to admit this

Deep down I wish it wasn’t true

But I know I’m hurting you and I’m hurting myself

Every decision I make is wrong

There are days I wish I could do more

Maybe I’m not good enough for you

It hurts me to say this

You deserve someone better

Someone who isn’t me

I wasn’t looking for love but I found you

Broken and damaged as I was

You were ready to give my heart a home

Maybe I wasn’t ready to be let in

I’m sorry I’ve hurt you so many times

I try so hard to hide my scars and past hurt,

To hide my worries and anxieties behind this strong version of me you see

But every time I get scared the demons awaken and I mess it up

Then the fear of not being good enough slowly creeps in

We were both broken when we met

But you have been so brave

I’m sorry I let you down so many times

I deserve the love you give me

I want to be the woman for you

I want to be good for you

But the only thing I seem to accomplish is driving you further away from me

I’m crushed every time I see you go down in the flames I set

So I’m letting you go my love

Because you deserve someone who loves you right

It breaks my heart to know it isn’t me

It’s Too Late For Us

It's too late to change the past 
I picked my pieces and glued them back 
I cry for the days you forgot about me
Your love slowly taught me how to do it alone 
You said it was tough love 
We know this was not true 
I saved my heart for you 
My life I put on hold 
But I was just another girl 
Never good enough for you 
She had your heart 
I'm sorry she didn't care for it 
I would have done a better job I'm sure 
You didn't want me anymore so I walked 
For once I'll listen to my heart and not my head 
It's time I left you behind 
You've dragged me down so many times 
I miss the memories not you
So I'll carry them with me 
Because I'm chained to them forever 
L.O.V.E is a word you will hear 
I'm sorry it won't be from me. 

I Hate Myself for Loving You

I hate myself for loving you
For thinking that there will ever be an us
I hate myself for believing that you loved me
For thinking that you saw an us just as I did
I hate myself for wanting you to myself
For hoping that one day you’ll change your mind and pick me
I hate myself for being a fool and believing that you were real
That you wanted this like I did
I hate myself for putting my feelings last
For pulling myself back to accommodate you
I hate my heart for loving you too much
For overlooking all the signs that reminded me I’m not number one.
I hate myself for crying this much for you
And for questioning whether you deserve it or not.
Forgive me, I didn’t know my place in your life
For overstepping and asking for too much
It’s too overcrowded for us in your heart
Perhaps it’s time for me to say my goodbye
And carry my memories with me.

We Can’t Be Friends

I’m sorry we have come to this,

I’m sorry I messed us up,

But I can’t be around anymore,

Baby we can’t just be friends,

I’m sorry this is the end for us.

I didn’t know this would happen,

That I would fall for you,

It all happened so fast,

It felt like ages to me,

I introduced you to my family,

Let my friends know all about you,

I don’t know how we ended up here,

I don’t know how I got to this point,

Where your name makes me cry,

Your memories piercing my heart,

Like they don’t want to stay there anymore,

The way you held me,

I felt like you’d never let me go,

Tell me how can I settle for being just friends,

No, I’m not ready to be seen as just your sister,

I don’t regret loving you,

I’m not tired of having you around,

I still feel something strong for you,

And that’s why I can’t just be friends with you.

Return to Sender

Dear Lover,

Oh! Sorry, I meant ex-lover. I’ve been staring at my phone for the past one week hoping you’d call. To be honest, I still want to hear your voice. I’ve been tempted so many times to dial your number. I’m scared to click the send button with a message I wrote about three days ago. “I want to see you.” That’s all it says. But then I remember that if you really wanted to see me, you definitely would.

Sadly I still don’t know how to move on from here. I have so many questions and you are the only one who has the answers. Are we still together? Did you move on but forgot to mention it? Are you okay? I still care but it’s heartbreaking because I don’t get the same feeling from you.

Is it weird that I am still hopeful that we can work this out? The past one month has been tough for me. I’ve been hurt trying to fix us. I know I would feel much better letting it all go. I saw you yesterday and you were okay. I was so close. I wanted to ask you what you were doing with her but then I thought, maybe she makes you happy. And I just walked by. Don’t you think I deserve some answers?

If the love is lost why would you not tell me? If you don’t feel the same way anymore, why would you not tell me? I’ve been through a lot trust me I’m a tough girl and I can handle anything. At least this is the only consolation I have right now.

I miss you but I know I’ve lost you already. I’m fighting a losing battle. I can see it. I just want to convince myself that it’s a phase and it shall pass. Well, who am I kidding, it’s over, I know it. I won’t try again.

I’m already convinced that you’ve moved on and I want to wish you the best but not right now when I’m still healing. Not right now when I’m still stuck with all these questions. For some reason, I’m still here, waiting. So, a goodbye is enough for now ex.

Signed,

The girl who still cares

I’ll Be on My Way Now

It’s useless to think about you,

I need to stop asking questions,

Yes, I need them answered,

But I guess you don’t want to.

I loved you in every way,

I put my life on hold for you,

You were mine, or, at least that’s what I thought,

I was ready to fight for us.

Then suddenly you drifted apart,

I wanted you to stay,

But you had other plans, now I can see,

I wish you the best is all I can say.

I hope she treats you right,

I hope she is everything that I’m not,

I have questions, but,

I don’t need the answers anymore,

I can’t tell if you’re happy or not,

But, I know I am and,

I’m ready to move on now.