A Letter To The Man I Wish Was Mine

I taught my heart to love you a little too much

I’m not ready to let it watch you love someone else.

Before we met I fought hard to make you stay

Because I didn’t want it to end before it even started.

I wanted you to see me beyond messages, phone calls and video calls.

It didn’t bother me that I was fighting alone.

I know this long message won’t change how you feel

But it will at least give me closure.

It all stopped. The calls, messages, feelings of love.

It all stopped.

I’m still trying to figure out how you suddenly

Psycho-reversed it and put the blame on me.

I saw how you looked at me when we parted.

It wasn’t the same look you gave me when we met.

Deep down I knew I was seeing you for the last time.

I was powerless

I never thought it’d be this soon.

It’s too bad you didn’t give me the

 Chance to show you how much love I can give.

How much feelings I have that I wish I could share with someone.

And this is all I ever wanted with you.

Perhaps we weren’t speaking the same love language.

I know I feel something for you,

But I’ve been hurt so many times,

I know which tables I’m not invited to eat.

I’m not willing to go down the same path again.

So I’ll choose my heart over anything else

And I’m not ready to see it break again.

This is why I’m saving you the trouble

And pushing myself away

Before you do because

You might push me further away than here and I don’t want that.

I’ll always be your fun.

Number one-ish maybe.

I’m just not ready to tell the world about a story

That we never really gave a chance to start.

Pity I was just a pawn.

And I know I’m acting weak and a coward

But I’d rather be this than fight for something alone.

I Want You

I want you
To read and don’t judge,
Poor grammar and broken language
Don’t judge.
I want you
To be open of the idea
That we can be a pair
Not like shoes, right and left
Just like the sky, moon and star.
For a while I’ve seen you
But not by sight
It’s in the blurred visions of my dreams
Where I nurse my night most felt realities,
There I have found you
Ending up with a thirst for you,
So don’t judge.

When you get to read this,
It’s a composition of a million Words
That I would fumble and stammer
if I were to say them to you eye to eye.
They are a part of my shyness that matures
To form up in words and wholely in this note
Doubt me not
For am just but a feeble Lover
Who intends to meet you after a Yes
I fear prior Heartbreaks
So I would rather read your reply too.
With you am obsessed
Waking up each night just to admire you
My secret crush
I want You.

Yours Truely,
The Unknown.


Written by: Poet Dickens Olwal – I love Writing as much as I enjoy reading. Phenomenal in nature but patient with it to take it’s course. Am an Actor, Poet and Wild thinker.

Facebook: Dickens Olwal and like his poetry page

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My Last Letter to My First Love

There’s a lot I want to say, and this is the only way I can do it. I know this letter will probably never make it to you, but I pray it does. I’ve read a lot of letters from those wondering whether their first love cherished their time together. I don’t have to because I know you do. Just like you, I also miss our time together. I miss the times we stayed on the phone for hours talking about everything. I remember every moment like it was yesterday. But that’s just it – memories.

My letter is to say thank you and sorry at the same time. Thank you for being my first love. I would never want to experience it with anyone but you. You made me see life in different colors. Life was full of excitement and passion. You showed me love and made me feel wanted. You stuck by me through thick and thin. I can’t forget the days when your texts made my heart pound, how we stayed up till 2 AM and still had something to say the next morning.

I got so used to starting my day with your calls. Now you understand why it was so hard for me when it stopped. I must admit you had me at hello. It is difficult not to glimpse back and open the vault full of memories. Our love was young and pure. It was only for us to share. Thank you because you raised the bar so high I now don’t want to settle for less.

Even though you were my first love, it breaks my heart, knowing you are not my last. I’m sorry I am not the easiest person to deal with. I’m sorry you gave up a big part of yourself to be with me. I’m sorry I let you down. You almost drowned because of me. I’m sorry I was a bit insecure, even though you always told me you loved me. Looking back, I can’t help but smile at how I dealt with my jealousy. You deserve the best that life offers. You deserve to be happy. I’m sorry I have to watch it from afar. Letting you go was the hardest thing for me to do. It was hard watching you be with someone else, but I know she made you happier.

I was always angry and bitter because I wondered why it didn’t last long. At first, I was angry at myself. I questioned why I was never good enough. Or was I too much for you to handle? I thought you never cared because you promised me you’d always love me. Suddenly we lost touch, and I wondered when I drove you away. I wondered why you came back and then left again. I thought you were a coward because you knew I was shattered, but I was still hanging on. I’m sorry for being selfish and forgetting to consider your feelings. You needed time, too, and I should have given it to you. You needed space to get over our love, and I should have never questioned why.

I stopped convincing myself that you didn’t love me. Deep down, I know you did. It gives me great joy knowing you also value what we had. It’s not your fault it didn’t work out. It’s not mine either. We can blame it on bad timing or perhaps unfavorable circumstances. Our relationship was magical. It was strong and powerful. Sometimes I wonder why it ended, but I forget that even the best stories have endings. It was not your fault. I’m sorry we can’t live our happily-ever-after, but I’m glad you found someone to give it to you.

I made so many mistakes as I tried to heal. I looked for attention in empty people, and I was left feeling worse than I did when I lost you. I thought they would help me move on, but I was wrong for trying to run away from my reality. You were always on my mind because you are the only person who had my heart while it was whole.

Thank you because you left me with the ability to love. Because of you, I have learned not to give up on love. When you walked away, I taught myself how to be alone. I learned how to be at peace with myself. You made me understand that being single doesn’t mean being lonely. It took me time to work on myself, but I did. I needed to be broken now; I know what it means to be strong.

Time has passed, and we have strayed from the people we were. We lost bits of ourselves as time passed. It’s sad some of those bits contained traces of our love. We can never get them back, and it’s okay. Those two young lovers were good together, but we no longer are. I understand that regardless of how much you love someone, it is hard not to hurt them.

And even though we cannot be together, I am glad I have something to remember us by – our son. I am incredibly proud of us for bringing him to life — flesh of our flesh and blood of our blood. We’ve grown so much from who we were. I want you to know that I love you. I’m only choosing to love you a little less. It’s time for me to find my last love. I wish you the best too.

Always,

Your first love.

A Love Letter to my Beloved

Dearly beloved,

While I may have more than a thousand words to say, please allow me this chance to say how much I love you. Allow me the time to show you how much you’re making your way towards me slowly. Fitting the pieces of a puzzle little by little to create a vision.

Every time I look at you, I am reminded of the reasons why you are more precious than the finest jewel. Every time I hear your name, I get all the reasons why I would rather be with you than anyone else. Need I say of the times I hear your heart beat? I could go on and on for sure.

You have always been here for me all the time. You have listened to my every thought, my every word and better yet, you have always given me a shoulder to cry on all the time. Your wise words, constant suggestions, and constant criticisms have seen me be the person I am today my beloved. I wouldn’t swap who I am for anything.

And when everyone saw my flaws, you saw the best in me. When no one took the time to notice my achievements, you identified even the minutest step I made in my life. When I gave up and felt like the whole world was crumbling, you held my hand and walked with me through the storm. You saw the best in me even when I didn’t recognize it, my love.

And even when I fell, you helped me pick up my broken pieces and trudge on. You helped me see the beautiful woman inside me without asking for anything in return darling. For these I am grateful.

My love, if only I could pay up my debt and let you see how much you’ve done to me. If only I could open my heart and show you the space you’ve taken, I would do that in a blink. I would jump to the sky and bring you the moon because with you by my side; nothing is impossible.

Vibrant anticipation is the only concept I can think of that best describes how I feel about you, my beloved. When you are far away, I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. When you are close to me, I want to reach for you, automatically and spontaneously.

No one has given me a purpose to love but you. No one has filled my heart with joy but you. You are my love; you are also my heart. I have so many reasons why I love you. So many reasons I will never want to let go. How can I tell them all when I’m running out of paper? My heart completely trusts you because your love is an inspiration to become a better version of myself. Your love is my towel to wipe every tear I shed.

And more importantly, your love is a reason to steer my future with great determination. With you by my side, there is nothing I cannot do. There is no obstacle I can’t overcome. With you by my side, there is no goal unreachable.

My love, your wisdom captivates me, your passion ignites me; your compassion inspires me, and your generosity motivates me.

The times I spend with you are a precious gift from above. And when I retire to bed at night, my last thought is of our journey together. Although still fresh and young, I am thankful and appreciate every moment of it. When you hold my body in slumber, I count nothing but my blessings, go to bed content and pray to awaken the same way.

How can I describe how much I feel about you? This language is too small and my hands inept at this task. I can’t use these tools to describe the depths of my love. All these are not enough. If I am lucky to live more than a thousand years, then I might have enough time although I doubt it so much sweetheart.

I’ll love you always and in all ways.

One Day

One day we will fight,

And I know things will not be as they are right now.

I want you to know I’ll still be there.

I’ll stay by your side and ask to fix us.

One day, someone will come between us,

Our love will be put to the test,

And trust pushed to the wall.

I want you to know that

I will choose you over anyone.

One day, baby, our love will need fixing

I want you to know that I will do all it takes

To make sure we stick together through the storm.

I hope you do the same for us.

I Can’t Make You Love Me

I understand if you don’t feel the way that I do. There is this feeling however that makes me want to hold on and give it my best. I am not ready to give up without trying – without doing everything that I feel I should do. Because a part of me wants to make this work. I’m not ready to walk away from all this. 

I’m trying to convince myself that you feel the same way. Because I feel your heartbeat every time we are together. And the kisses, they are all right. Every time we are together, I see it in your eyes too. My only question is, why can’t you let me love you? 

I wouldn’t want to beg for your attention. It’s never in my nature to do this. But the feeling I have for you makes me want to do anything just to make you stay. There could be something great between us if you give us a chance. I’m as scared as you are because I don’t want to hurt again and I don’t want anything to go wrong.

I know that along the way, we will fight and some things will not go as expected no matter how much I love you. I’m ready to take this risk with you because I know it will be worth it. I don’t want to give it all up without trying. I want to experience all these flaws with you too. 

I know I can’t make you love me if it isn’t there. I can’t make you feel what you don’t want to. It’s okay that you don’t feel the same way. My biggest regret – more than the words I may have said to make you hurt – will be repressing what I feel for you. Repressing what I want to say, wondering with too many “what ifs” 

A lot is going on in my head right now. A lot of jumbled thoughts. Maybe you are not ready for this. Maybe you just don’t want to admit what you feel for me. Yet here I am still asking you to take this chance. Asking you to give us a chance. To love me the way that I love you or even more. I promise to give you the best version of me. I’ll show you the love you deserve and I will do my best to be the right one for you. Pick me. Please love me. 

And even with my half-mended heart, I chose you. I know I will do it again. I’m not sure when you will start questioning your decision. I don’t know if you will continue walking even after all this. But if you do, know that I’ll still love you with my broken pieces. Although there’s one thing I’ll forever thank you for – you taught me that I can still love passionately. That my heart can still beat for someone else. 

A Letter to My Future Self

It feels odd writing this to you and thinking about all the places/people you’ve seen. By now I know you no longer live in the same house or city. Or perhaps you’re not even in the same country! It’s weird to think that you are living a whole different life from what I have right now but I am happy because you beat all odds. To be honest you are my dream come true. There’s a lot of things I hope and pray that you have managed to achieve.

I hope you have figured things out and that you are exactly where I wanted you to be. I hope your life is as perfect as I wanted but I pray that you don’t forget me, the younger version of you. I hope you have forgiven all those who hurt you and that you do not hold a grudge against anyone. I hope you managed to find love and that he is exactly the man you wanted.

I hope you moved on from the past hurt and that you have managed to forgive yourself because last I checked you were still struggling with that. Most of all, I hope you still hold dear and cherish the ones that stood by you through the storm. I hope that Jesus is still your personal Christ and savior.

I hope you’ve aged like fine wine and that you are proud of the younger you. I hope that I remind you of all the experience you’ve been through and I pray you don’t forget the lessons I taught you. It is my prayer that you don’t carry any regrets in your heart and you are still as positive and optimistic as you’ve always been.

I hope life treats you as kindly as you’ve always wanted and that you are doing the same even to those who shut the door in your face. I hope your generous acts can now be seen and I pray you don’t forget to give because once upon a time you were me and I didn’t have it all.

I feel relieved because I know you have managed to put yourself back together. I hope all the broken pieces are now back in place and don’t think about the tiny ones that failed to repair. Don’t look at the scar that’s left but if you do, make sure it still reminds you of the younger version of yourself.

Please don’t forget this: I love you and I am proud of the woman that you are. I pray for nothing but the best for you and your loved ones.

An Open Letter to my Secret Crush

It feels so odd writing this to you, but it’s hard for me to say it aloud. I have so many things to tell you but am I allowed to? My mind vowed to write our story in my heart. Here I am scared to start because I don’t know if you want to play a part. You see, at times I wished fairy tales were real. Oh prince charming it would be easy to tell you how I feel. The fantasy of being swept off my feet would be so ideal. I have so much zeal in me so today is it! I want to tell you how I feel. 

I want you if only for one night, I do. Just to hold you tight. You see, you’re my light, you’re my knight. I spend my days thinking of you. Your face is imprinted on my mind too. When I close my eyes, I can feel your skin underneath mine. I can feel how you run your hands through my hair. I giggle as you move them down my back and over every part of my body. Yes, I want you to share my bed. 

I take in the way you talk, the way you laugh, the way you smile. I take in the way you smell whenever you’re next to me. I want something to hold on to. My eyes fall when you gaze upon me. My world spins my heart beats, and my throat closes when you speak. The tension is too much. But it’s this unspoken attraction that gives me too much satisfaction. 

I’m too shy to tell you how I feel. How can I when you don’t notice me? You don’t notice the way I look at you. I’m just a friend and nothing more you see. It feels safe watching you from afar. At least I don’t have to deal with any rejections. You’ve taken residence in my mind. I want you to tell me that you want me too, but you won’t. 

I lay in bed and dream of you holding me in your arms. Kissing me and running your hands all over me. I imagine you pressing me against your chest. Then I’d beg you to make love to me. I’d ask you to do it over and over. But as I sit here and watch the last candle die out, my heart dies with it. I’m scared. You would never be attracted to me. I have to let this dream go, for I am a single woman with kids and an unrequited crush.